Buffy + Edward = O-Mazing.

Swoon.

My second boyfriend takes the American Idol title.

When this season of American Idol kicked off, I took a brief break from the imaginary relationships I conduct in my head with my beloved second boyfriends John Krasinski and Rob Pattinson, and decided to make room in my heart for the stinkin' cuteness of Kris Allen. Before I get this blog going and join the masses of internet bloggers who will throw their literary two cents into the supposed "Idol finale upset," I need to take a moment to pay homage to the fashion train wreck that was Queen Latifah's black body suit.




I hope I'm not that only one who thinks that Adam Lambert could have rocked that outfit with a fierceness that rivals any female I know. My vote for the luckiest person in the room during that performance? Scott MacIntyre.

Aside from the Queen Latifah/Lil Round's duet and Rod Stewart's awkward trip over the microphone cord (when I say "trip over the microphone cord," I also mean Rod Stewart's entire performance), the show itself was incredibly entertaining. Even for Glenn who willingly offered to withstand the countless busy signals and cast his vote for Kris Allen the night before. (That's love right there.) The Black Eyed Peas actually got me to like their "Boom Boom Pow" song which I had earlier detested due to many Saturdays at Self Essentials spent listening to that song in heavy rotation on 92 pro FM. The dancers adorned in black and white body suits really added to the performance. I'm a sucker for the extra visuals.



I also enjoyed Adam's duet with Kiss. Glenn and I were a bit perplexed at first by Adam's unique choice of shoulder pads. Then we realized it was the glitterized Adam Lambert version of a Kiss costume (also adorned by Lady Gaga days earlier, at least according to Perez Hilton).



The Queen performance was equally as epic and it only led me to think that American Idol is the only place where Queen, Kiss, Rod Stewart, Cindi Lauper, Keith Urban and Steve Martin can share the same stage and it all just works. I realize that many people are quick to criticize American Idol, assuming the show promotes a certain narrow minded music mentality. However, I firmly believe American Idol exposes all generations (young and old) to different types of music. If anything, American Idol delivers musical diversity to a crowd of viewers who may not have ventured away from their musical comfort zones. Sure, you'll never see an indie rock band or underground hip hop group on the Idol stage but as "pop oriented" as Idol is, I think the show does an excellent job in it's attempts to give every music genre its own chance to grab new fans.

The climatic moment of the night led to what is now being referred to by every media outlet as the giant "Idol Upset," where poor Adam Lambert was "robbed" of the Idol throne. This is the problem I have with the media coverage of Kris Allen's win. How can it be called an Idol upset if Kris was rightfully voted into this title by the American public? America wanted Kris Allen to win; otherwise we would have seen a very different result. I do realize that most of Danny Gokey's fans gravitated towards Kris's music stylings over Adam's but how does that make Kris's win any less genuine or any less deserved? Kris Allen is an extremely talented performer, as is Adam but they represent two very different genres of music. In my opinion, Kris Allen is a far better well-rounded artist. He may not be as amazing to watch during his live performances but I'll tell you right now whose CD I'd rather listen to. I love Adam but I do not want his high pitch squeals flooding through my car radio. However, I am more excited to see Adam in concert than I am Kris. My opinion on this? These two performers are just far too different to compare against each other. I wish the media would stop portraying Kris's win as an "upset" and start recognizing him for what got him the title, his musical talent.

I am super excited to see the Idols on tour! Yay for early birthday presents from Glenn. :) I am always sad to see the show end every year but I'm excited for September where I get to see all of them live. I'm sure I'll have a very interesting blog with many glamorous photos to detail my experience. So I have 3 more months before I can see my second boyfriend in person. ;) And the countdown begins....

Cinco De Chihuahua.

Happy Cinco De Mayo! I am a proud Chihuahua Mama and I feel the need to acknowledge this holiday for Halpert's heritage sake. Truthfully, I had no idea what this holiday commemorated aside from giving the world populous an excuse to drink copious amounts of alcohol on a weekday. (I've come to realize that most of my friends do this anyway, holiday or not.)

According to Wikipedia, the go-to source for all those who seek knowledge, Cinco De Mayo commemorates the Mexican army's victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. 147 years later, that translates to "free margarita & tequila shots day" for Americans everywhere. It kind of reminds me of how Easter is celebrated. I'm not sure Jesus wanted everyone to celebrate his resurrection by hiding eggs, worshipping a giant furry bunny, and eating tons of marshmallow peeps. And just as kids lose the religious meaning of Easter in their hunt for a sugar rush, I'm sure millions of Americans are hammering back beers right now without even acknowledging the men that died in a Battle I didn't even know happened until I googled it.

I'll be spending this year's Cinco De Mayo at home watching American Idol with Glenn and Halpert. Maybe I'll make him wear a little sombrero to be festive, I'm sure they make Chihuahua sized Mexican attire.

I would like a nice glass of swine. Oink. Oink.

I feel compelled to write a blog in case I am stricken with Swine Flu and find myself bed ridden and without the brain power to write. According to the news I will get Swine Flue and I will die. OK. Not really. I just need to avoid any type of public place, stay inside my house in a Purell bath, sport a gas mask, and run screaming away from any one with a cough. My morning dose of Matt Lauer is leaving me with the same shakey uncertainty I feel during a trailer for a horror movie. However, listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger talk about the Swine Flu like it's a murderous villain he must crush with his bare hands is pretty much the most unintentionally hilarious clip I've seen on the news in a while.

I am officially not laid off at Brown. Wa-hoo? I can't even feign enthusiasm in grammatical form. Let me explain...As much as I am thankful and overwhelmingly blessed to have this steady, well paying and dependable job, I can't help but wonder what else is out there for me. At such a young age, I have found a place where I have my own beautiful office, an amazing boss, freedom to manage myself, and amazing co-works. In my performance review the other day, my boss commented that one day I will have to "leave the nest." She's right. I do. This job is wonderful but it's about as challenging as an I-Can-Read book. I know I'm capable of more but why would I risk the comforts of this seemingly perfect job? On my commute home the other day, I began to wish that I found this job when I was older and reaching retirement age. This would be a perfect job to have after slaving for years in corporate America, making a name for yourself and earning lots of money. I'm not sure it's such a great start for a 24 year old who should be pushing herself to achieve greater things. This job makes it a little too easy to rest on your laurels. Sometimes I wonder if being laid off would be the only way I'd leave this job to find the greater opportunities out there for me.

I guess I've been contemplating much about the future. Where I want to go in my career, do I even want to have a huge career or do I want to focus on being a mom one day? I have guilt for leaving my Chihuahua for 8 hours a day. How will I feel dropping my kids off to daycare or leaving them with my parents for 40 hours a week? Maybe Brown is the place to stay. Maybe having a leisure, flexible job is more important than having a lucrative, successful career and a fat bank account. I've been trying to debate what will be more important to me in four years, a career or my potential family? I guess only time will tell. With my 25th birthday looming around the corner, I can't help but wonder how much my life will change in the next 4years. 20 to 24 really only brought with it graduation and job changes. 25-29 may bring with it marriage, children, house buying and priority changes. It's a daunting age to hit because your future is looming ahead of you into paths I couldn't even begin to know how to navigate. Scary stuff. (Way scarier than swine.)

Not to mention, my youth is starting to deteriorate, literally. I woke up about a week and a half ago feeling like my neck was in a vice. Ever since then, I've been going to physical therapy trying to work the kinks out of what seems to be a herniated disk. This morning my doctor tells me I have early stage arthritis from years of running. Who gets arthritis at 24? I am now going to be just like the substitute teacher I had in high school, Miss Hensler. She was 3 feet tall with a hunch back the side of my head. Glenn said he'd still love me, hunch back and all. Maybe by that time, a hunch back will be the new boob job. :)

I think that pretty much sums up my thoughts for the week! Write soon.

<3

Observations, Obstacles and Overtures for the month of April.

Years after high school ends, and the memories of social ostracizing, and internal awkwardness fade, it only takes one person to bring all those feelings back. Eight years post high school and I can still become the insecure, self doubting, quiet blonde girl cornered by the heat of someone's judgmental gaze.

My time spent single in no way prepared me to fall in love again. Because the things you say you'll never do again, you find you have to in order to make the clock tick and the wheels turn and the emotions you swear you shut yourself off from, inevitably creep back in, all but leaving you with that empty sick feeling in your stomach at the thought of losing it all again. Break up survivor or not, love is absolutely terrifying.

Insecurities die hard. Or maybe they never go away. Maybe they lay in wait, coming to the surface only to remind us that whatever or whoever we're insecure over is just that important to us.

The world could be combusting from the inside out but karma will still continue its relentless battle to tip the scale for the good guys.

Halpert is still the absolute steadfast love of my life.

I seem to be struggling with the obstacles of my past that prevent me from healing and moving on. I've mastered the healing that allows you to go as far as to paint your face to smile. That part is cheating, faking, a fraud. I struggle with the rest. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to show my skin without the recollection of how bad it hurt before.

If only love were as easy as obsessing over fictional characters. Jim Halpert and Edward Cullen would never break my heart.

I miss my friends. The transition from single girl to Glenn's dutiful girlfriend hasn't been easy. I love them all for sticking by me and reminding me of my perpetual lameness.

I'll eventually achieve a balance. Between friends and lovers. Between insecurity and confidence. Between nervous and calm. Between fearful and content. Between resilience and giving up. And between love and fear. Until then my friends....I'll be here. Writing until I figure it out. :)

My advice to my former self...

I found this writing prompt on a blog called "Twenty Something Writers" and it intrigued me. So here goes:

If you were able to communicate with your younger self, what would you say? Would you warn yourself of the things that are to come? Would you tell yourself to avoid certain people? Write a letter to yourself at a younger age. Feel free to tell yourself anything that you’d like to. Let us know what age of yourself you are writing to.

Dear eighteen year old Johnna,

Treasure the friendship you have with Robert. It will be the one thing that keeps you laughing, keeps you positive, and keeps you strong. And try not to introduce him to your friend Amanda. It doesn't end well.

Save every email and voicemail you shared with Andrew. You'll wish you saved all the silly conversations you had with him. Years from now, you'll be regretting the fact that you can't listen to his drunken voice say "see you in awhile lyle, lyle lovett."

Listen to your gut when it comes to your first impressions of a guy you're dating. It will save you from a six month relationship that will only make you look back, laugh and ask "what was I thinking?" It will also save you from a two year relationship that should have ended the day it got started. Please know that if a guy is a douchebag within the first month, that behavior will only worsen years down the line. And no, he won't ever change. You will though. A LOT.

Take a break from all the schoolwork. You will soon find that it doesn't matter if you graduate with a 4.0 or 3.0. The underachiever who drank his way through college and barely graduated with a business degree will still manage to make at least fifteen grand more than you and your sterling academic record and liberal arts degree.

Don't tattoo Bert McCracken's name on your back. It may seem like a good idea at the time but trust me, his music doesn't get any better.

Keep an eye out for a skinny, punk rock kid named Glenn. I'm sure he's around at some concert you're going to this week. I'm fairly certain that if you met him a lot sooner, you two would be celebrating your 6 year anniversary right now. But don't worry if you can't spot him, he comes along just when you need him.

Never park in the President's driveway next to Independence Hall on the URI campus. Yes, your car will be towed and no, it won't be funny.

Don't let the pressure to be perfect from your parents make you crack. You will soon learn that you will never please them. Not now or not ever. Focus on you and know that you end up moving out just when you said you would.

Give Mike McKenna a giant hug at his last Turning Blue show. It will be the last time you see him and you will always look back to that moment and regret not saying a meaningful goodbye.

Your friends Greg, Blake, Paul and JT are still around and probably always will be. Treasure them and try to hang out with them more. You'll have fun. Promise.

Yes, you do still kind of have a crush on Ryan Muir. I still don't quite get it either.

You are going to have a pretty amazing life after you graduate college so don't worry that you won't accomplish everything you want to. You do and then some. Relax. About everything. Your grades. Your parents. Your love life. Your friends. Everything. Just take a deep breath because you will soon find out that everything has its strange way of working itself out beautifully. You'll soon realize that all the worry, the stress, the belly aches will not (and won't ever) alter what you can't control. So enjoy the next six years of your life and take everything for what it's worth. I promise you make it out alive.