An Open Letter to No One.

Do you ever feel like you have your back turned to the edge of a metaphorical cliff that's as monumental in size as it is in importance but the balls of your feet are just resting in limbo, rocking back and forth between solid ground and space? Rocks and dirt slip beneath your weight and plummet over the side of the cliff and your heart races within your chest because you know you'll soon have to meet a similar fate. You'll have to fall. Let go. Cease thought. Cease worry. Cease resistance and trust that your feet will land calmly and softly on solid ground.

But you can't.

You're frozen; caught in the crux of a battle between your head and your heart. Your heart is innocent and open, filled with unwavering faith and optimism. Your head is cynical, jaded, and unwilling to give up its need to protect, to maintain....to survive. What wins? What will be the ultimate leader of your feet? The decider of your ability to make the perpetual fall? The leader of your near and distant future? The ultimate guide of your life?

I chose to fall. I chose to take a leap, to trust my heart, to trust in faith and above all else, to trust in my own strength to survive the consequences of my choice. Even if my feet landed on unsteady ground, and my body met the hard ground with a thud that shook my core, I would never regret my decision to fall. I will always believe that it takes more conviction to love unfailingly and leap into the wonders of the unknown than to spend your energy meticulously routing the pathways of least risk.

Methodical thought. Perverse logic. Pain staking analysis. I strongly admire you for following steadfastly in your belief to always abide by these principles. All of your actions are robotic, systematic, disciplined, precise. You do not say things you don't sincerely mean. You do not do things that you may later regret. You listen to your head above all else. You act in a fashion that will cause the least amount of damage, hurt, tears, regrets, pain to you and those around you.

But you are contrived. Guarded. Elusive. Intangible. Enigmatic. Arcane. Deadpan. Indifferent. Apathetic. Cold. Anesthetized.

You are the exact opposite of me.

So I fell. I plunged off of the cliff. I gave myself up to the possibility of heartbreaking pain. And you stayed. Rooted. Grounded. Safe.

My fall was met with a stiff resistance resembling the collision of two planes mid flight, reality smacking my chest and robbing the air from my lungs. I felt each tear hit my chest bouncing off my skin and echoing the words 'You. Chose. Wrong,' with each drop. Maybe I should have gingerly backed away from the edge of my mighty cliff, cradling my pride and my heart in their delicate states with two protective hands. Would I continue to sleep as soundly as I did before I met you or would my head resonate with regret, wonder, and doubt?

I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would rather fall asleep heartbroken and wise then lay my sound body down with a questioning heart.

I still believe in following my truest and most sincere feelings and tumbling forward with a reckless abandon that you could never possess. I would fall ten times over for you, each time knowing the hard ground that waited below me. You say that you've been burned and that your heart has learned from its mistakes. I hope that mine never does. I want my heart to continue to love like it's the first time it's ever heard of such a thing. I want it to race and flutter every time I see you. I want it to ache and feel empty when you hurt me. I want it to swell with happiness when you don't. I want it to know that even if it gets broken, that it will repair and it is stronger than anything that can happen to it. And at the end of me, and the end of my heart, I want it to know that it was resilient in its need to innocently love and to blindly fall for any and all of those who touched it.