Fairwell my black balloon, may the weather have it's way with you.

My Farewell to 2008...

As the final days of 2008 come dwindling down to that all too anti-climatic New Year's Eve celebration, I can't help but reflect on the various events of the past year. 2008 brought with it a barrage of trials and tribulations that have made this year the one that has forced me to grow up the most. It was the hardest year; the most trying, the most challenging, and yet, the year with the happiest ending.

In 2008 I have...
Formed amazing friendships with people that I am so thankful to begin the new year with.

Stuck by my best friend through crazy times, crazy relationships and created even more unbreakable bonds in the process.

Gone to parties alone, had fun being a single girl, and realized that it's not so bad to go to bed with a good book and a dog.

Had my heart broken, remended and broken again.

Proved to myself that I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

Grown more into my body, my face and my personality.

Fallen so in love with a furry, four legged friend.

Learned to appreciate my relationship with my parents on a much more deeper level.

Learned who deserves my company, who doesn't, and still working on not caring about those who don't.

Had casual sex.

Made out with lots of wonderful and adorable boys.

Realized I'm not a slut for doing the above.

Discovered many great new bands.

Stopped feeling embarassed for loving chick country music.

Realized the importance of high thread count sheets.

Gone red, brown, and almost every color in between on my way back to blonde.

Have gotten some really unexpected life gifts from the unlikeliest of sources.

In 2009 I plan to....

Start working out more. (I know everyone makes this promise to themselves but I really want to start exercising more during the winter. Just because it's too cold to run, doesn't mean I have a 4 month excuse to be a lazy ass!)

Be vulnerable. The right guy isn't going to head for the hills if he sees you cry over a belly ache.

Let people in. They're not so bad when they care about you but I'll never know that if I never give them the opportunity to.

Stop shopping. I do not want to be on Dr. Phil for having 800,000 dollars of credit card debt.

Save money. One of these days I'll have more people relying on me than Halpert.

Keep writing my book. If I don't finish it, I'll always wonder what if.

Let go. Of everyone, everything and every thought that has made me unhappy in 2008.

Continue on in the path I've taken because so far, I am so, so happy and proud of myself.

To all of my friends and family who read this. I love you. You are the reason why I am where I am. I couldn't do it without you. I can't wait to spend 2009 with all of you.

Much, much love always :)

Move over Stephen Colbert....this is my On Notice list.

I was watching the Colbert Report last night and that man sure can make a girl shakey laugh. He decided to put "forgiveness" on his On Notice list due to the recent presidential pardons and I couldn't help but think of what I would put on my own On Notice list. So without further adue, here is my On Notice list for 2008.

1.) The Harpo Marx look-a-like ticket Officer on Thayer Street: Was it really necessary to give me a ticket for being parked less than 25 feet from the curb? Or better yet; being parked too close to a cross walk. Are you just making up ridiculous parking rules to fill your ticket quota or do you have a personal vendetta against me and my blueberry shaped Yaris?

2.) The 4 douche bag construction workers who sit at the same table at Dunkin Donuts every morning: Is it necessary to stare at me like I just walked in the door naked? In case you haven't noticed, I can hear what you whisper to each other. Not to sound like a product of the 90s but 'AS IF!' And just for the record, staring and whispering dirty things under your breath usually won't sweep a girl off her feet. Take a picture assholes, it lasts longer.

3.) Radio stations that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving: Really?! As if a month of the same 5 songs in split rotation isn't enough? You must extend the torture a few more days? Do you have to sit for 12 hours every Saturday and listen to Christmas Shoes 20 times a day? I swear that song makes me want to slit my wrists more and more every time I hear it.

4.) People that call O-P-I nail polish Opie: There's dashes between each letter for a reason. And no, I will not spend 45 minutes trying to match the nail polish color from your last pedicure. Put your toes away.

5.) People who can't remember the name of their hair care product but *thankfully* know the color of it: Newsflash folks. There's about 28 different "blue-ish" bottles in my store. Next time, bring the container and save me from the barrage of swear words that go off in my head when you look at me blankly after I've lined up all 28 bottles in front of you.

6.) The creator of the glass snow man I broke in Target: Why did you fill the glass snowman with a thousand tiny styrofoam beans? Did you think to yourself, 'Man it would be hilarious if someone broke this in the middle of the store because these fucking beans are impossible to clean up.'

7.) To the person going 55 in the high speed lane on route 4: Oh, don't worry. I'm not in a rush, really. Who cares that this is a passing lane? Just continue on your merry way and don't forget to tap on your breaks if your speedometer miraculously hits 60. Thanks for making every 7am drive to Narragansett so awesome.

8.) All girls who don't think fairy tale endings are possible (including myself): As my friend put it so nicely, you want a fairy tale ending, stop fucking Gaston.

9.) To the person who stole my lunch: Are you a character in Billy Madison? Who steals lunches? If you're really that hungry, please stop by my office and I'll be happy to give you directions to Store 24 where you can get a Cup O Noodles for .79 cents.

10.) A Double Shot at Love: Are these girls even slightly famous? Where did they come from? Do you just have to be cute and bisexual whores to get on TV now? And if I see the commercial of that disgusting, steriod filled, muscle bound meat head guy saying 'twins' over and over again, I will literally lose my mind.

I believe that is it for now. I'm sure I'll add more as 2009 comes closer and closer. I'm such a bitter little thing this holiday season. ;)

The new Pick Up Artists...

Glenn and I have a new obsession with Mystery on Vh1's The Pick Up Artist. We spot him in various random places such as Target and the drive thru window at Wendy's. It's hard for him to hide his true identity with his choice of hat wear. Fuzzy top hats just aren't as inconspicuous as they used to be.

We're pitching a new idea for Vh1 called "The New Pick Up Artists," featuring Halpertz and Miloz. What better way to get chicks then with two cute dogs that can fit in the palm of your hand?

I never thought I'd be this cliche....

But I AM quoting Bright Eyes lyrics for my song for the beginning of December. I feel "Bowl of Oranges" is very fitting of my life right now so I'm caving and doing the emo kid thing. I will make sure my hair falls in front of my eye as I copy and paste this:

*The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "there is nothing I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure. Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile." So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing...Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve, of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty, then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.*

- Bright Eyes, Bowl of Oranges