Observations, Obstacles and Overtures for the month of April.

Years after high school ends, and the memories of social ostracizing, and internal awkwardness fade, it only takes one person to bring all those feelings back. Eight years post high school and I can still become the insecure, self doubting, quiet blonde girl cornered by the heat of someone's judgmental gaze.

My time spent single in no way prepared me to fall in love again. Because the things you say you'll never do again, you find you have to in order to make the clock tick and the wheels turn and the emotions you swear you shut yourself off from, inevitably creep back in, all but leaving you with that empty sick feeling in your stomach at the thought of losing it all again. Break up survivor or not, love is absolutely terrifying.

Insecurities die hard. Or maybe they never go away. Maybe they lay in wait, coming to the surface only to remind us that whatever or whoever we're insecure over is just that important to us.

The world could be combusting from the inside out but karma will still continue its relentless battle to tip the scale for the good guys.

Halpert is still the absolute steadfast love of my life.

I seem to be struggling with the obstacles of my past that prevent me from healing and moving on. I've mastered the healing that allows you to go as far as to paint your face to smile. That part is cheating, faking, a fraud. I struggle with the rest. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to show my skin without the recollection of how bad it hurt before.

If only love were as easy as obsessing over fictional characters. Jim Halpert and Edward Cullen would never break my heart.

I miss my friends. The transition from single girl to Glenn's dutiful girlfriend hasn't been easy. I love them all for sticking by me and reminding me of my perpetual lameness.

I'll eventually achieve a balance. Between friends and lovers. Between insecurity and confidence. Between nervous and calm. Between fearful and content. Between resilience and giving up. And between love and fear. Until then my friends....I'll be here. Writing until I figure it out. :)