Serendipity & Heath Ledger.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Heath Ledger's death. And this blog is not what you think...I'm not about to write a tribute to Heath Ledger (as much as I was, and still am, extremely saddened about his passing). The realization of this one year landmark made me think back to where I was at the exact moment that I was delivered the news of his death. It's strange how you keep memories in these tiny caverns within your brain. And they wait and rest until the moment they are called forward; their push into the forefront of your mind can seem quick, almost violent. For a moment, it's as if the rules of time and space don't really exist because transportation to another place, another time seems so effortless.

So I figured with these thoughts fresh in my head, why not use my blog to dust the cobwebs off of my past. Because after all, what is a blog's purpose if not a tool to reflect on the past?

I was still in the grieving aftermath of my break up with Dante and going through the same depressing motions that had become my nightly routine in the month or so after our split; get home from work, get into pajamas, snuggle with Halpert and crawl into bed. Rob called me on my cell phone shortly after to tell me about Heath's passing and I remember telling him that I'm sure that the radio station he had heard this on was wrong. I switched to E! News and in tiny writing on the bottom of the screen were the details of his passing. It was devastating to think of such a gifted, young and talented actor dying far before his time. News like that can certainly cast a hopeful light on what minutes earlier seemed to be the dark and depressing remnants of your once fulfilling life.

I quickly mass texted my friends, including Dante (our first post break up text communication). He didn't respond. I immediately felt shallow and selfish for feeling more sadness from Dante's failed acknowledgement of my text than of the ending of someone's life. In the end though, aren't we all ultimately selfish that way? Our own pain can feel so much greater than anyone elses.

Months later, the midnight showing of the Dark Knight marked another memory of a night equally as insignificant in action, but heavy with meaning. However, this is a memory that draws a smile because it was the first time I realized that not all things that end, have to end horribly. And now, one year later, the death of Heath Ledger marks yet another mundane but meaningful day in my life.

Serendipity in it's literal translation means to make a fortunate discovery by accident. Last night in a seemingly casual conversation, I was faced again with the threat of an end. A hypothetical end, an end that I could make a reality, or an end that doesn't have to be an end. Whatever way this perpetual end chooses to shake itself out, I couldn't help but think how this anniversary brought me back full circle.

I am certainly not implying that Heath Ledger has some sort of mythical or mystical impact on my life but I do believe it's strange that in a year, no matter how many leaps and bounds you may take as a person, life will inevitably present you with the same challenges. Maybe I am always meant to experience an end. Maybe this is my way to prove to myself that I am strong. Maybe this is just another lily pad I'm perching on in my journey to the other side of the pond. Maybe this one will prove my past wrong. I can't be certain right now of what this serendipitous occasion of Heath Ledger's death means in the great scheme of my life. But whoever is keeping an eye out for me in this lifetime, your irony is not lost on me.

So I'll keep on trucking along because if anything, this one year landmark between January 22nd, 2008 and January 22nd, 2009, has shown me my own changes in the truest form. It's incredible how one year can make such a big difference....

Till next time folks. :)

How could you be so heartless?

*In the night, I hear them talk the coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless.*

It's been a little chilly lately due in much part to the biting cold temperatures of January. My toes have since recovered from a particularly brutal snow storm on New Year's Eve. Katelyn and I risked possible frost bite and hypothermia in an effort to look cute in our New Year's dresses and I'd say the results of our efforts were definitely worth it. Despite the obvious winter winds, I've been feeling a bit more of the "metaphorical" chill and some of the ones I hold near and dear are responsible for my inner chill to the bone.

Glenn and I are now a couple. Yay! :) It's the official blog announcement. Some people are surprised, some saw it coming from a mile away, some are just plain old happy that I found myself a really great guy and some are downright upset about it. And me? Little old me? (How nice of you to ask how I'm feeling about this.) I'm just really happy and content! I have a best friend and a boyfriend all wrapped up in one. I don't think a girl could get any luckier.

Now here's my piece (my scarf and hat if you will) to defend against some bitter and chilly reactions I've received to this news. Glenn and I have been friends from the minute I met him way back in July during the Neil Hamburger show at The Living Room. We were just friends and as much as it was glaringly obvious to everyone else, I truly just saw him as that; a friend. As for the start of our romantic relationship? All I can say is it all kind of ...happened, as those things often do. Blame it on Holiday magic? Who knows? All I know is he stuck by me unflailingly through so much and it just dawned on me that I had a wonderful guy right in front of me who would do anything to be with me; a quality that has been severely lacking in my boyfriends of the past. I deserve someone like him and I'm so happy that I finally put my past behind me and opened myself up to something really wonderful.

I'm sorry if my decision to settle down with this amazing person has upset any of my beloved friends but hear me out.... if I mean to you, what you mean to me, you'd find a way to understand that this is the best thing for me. I hate to lose friends, especially the important ones, but if that's what has to happen; I'll sacrifice. Because honestly, if a friendship could end over the start of something else, it was never much of a friendship to begin with, now was it?

I feel at peace with where I am right now. I have put my inner relationship demons to rest for now. I feel safe as houses with Glenn and it's nice to finally let myself have that with someone again. I guess you could say his unwavering faith in me led to all of this. Through everything I went through in the past few months, that boy never gave up on me I guess it just goes to show you that nice guys don't always finish last.

That's it for now folks! I hope my blog will still be interesting without all my inner romantic turmoil. :)